Turning a new leaf

Turning a new leaf

            

When I started my first year of college I never knew what I would become. The year before I came to college during my senior year I had a grand mal seizure. It followed with 3 more seizures which finally led to the realization that I had epilepsy. My dream when I left high school was to become a soldier in the U.S army and I thought everything had been destroyed. Then as I looked through college campuses and organizations my eyes fell on ROTC, my sister recommend that I join because they allow people like me to pass by and become an army officer.  I joined ROTC and became a very active cadet; I wanted to learn everything from war tactics to the heat of combat. Little did I know the world had other plans waiting for me... It was my 3^rd semester here at NIU and I was promoted to team leader with a sergeant rank. I believed in taking care of my own team and showing my true abilities by being loud and proud. It was during the month of October when my world flipped yet again. For four days from 12-5 pm my body had become stuck in this aura like state (before a seizure happens) and the only thing I wanted was the sun shining on my face to control the urge. I left that semester on medical leave and found out that I might have developed bipolar disorder which essentially broke my spirit. At that point I knew a life of soldier would never happen to me. All those days training and working out to only find out the blood sweat and tears that I put into ROTC had vanished. At the time being religion had meant nothing to me and life was always moving forward. I was born in the catholic faith and baptized by my family priest. It’s just my heart was not in the religion, I needed guidance that could bring me out of this hell that I called my life at that point. In the month of December I dreamed of a land that seemed distant but close at the same time, I woke up from the dream with a word popping in my head. That word was samsara, the only time I’ve heard of samsara was in my U.S History class in 10^th grade. So I started to do research immediately and found the religion connected to Samsara which means the cycle of death and rebirth to which life in the material world is bound. I studied the different types of Buddhism that opened my mind and gave me answers to the questions of my life and future. I told my father the day of my discovery and without question he helped me find a Buddhist in Chicago that helped me answer everything that was on my mind. For six hours we talked but the first hour my Buddhist friend Rattatna taught me to walk. It was the most exhilarating feeling in the world, I felt reborn and replenished my spirit had finally come to life. That day he introduced me to the    Dhammapada which had taught me to become a stronger and better person. It also became my way of life with over 26 chapters. Religion is described to me in the chapter as hope and meaning to a world where suffering is in every direction. The only way to transcend our minds is to meditate and give time and to practice every day. My journey into the religion of Buddhism has just begun and I plan to stay Buddhist to the end of my life time.